Tuesday 17 September 2024

Getting the car was more complicated than it should have been. I can get a discount and insurance benefit from work, and in order for this to be applied I needed to use my work email. When doing the booking I noticed there was no difference in price as such, and given I could not access my work email overseas, I used a home one. Therein the problem. After a bit of conversation we were sorted, and on the road in a nice little Suzuki Swift – manual.

We use the phone, hot spotting to the iPad for navigation and expected to be at my aunts in just under two hours. The expectation did not meet the reality as in my too relaxed state I did not check the link from Hilary’s message against the Apple Maps direction. Consequently, we ended up near Birmingham – 2 hours west of where Hilary lives. I realised it when we ‘arrived’ as the neighbourhood was nowhere near what I understood my aunt to live in. FARK. I felt so very annoyed with myself for the stupid error. Lesson learnt – I should have checked the POSTCODE.

Nothing else to do but put in the right address, message Hilary and hit the road again. So gutted as we lost 2 precious hours with Hilary. We arrived safe and well to a warm welcome just before 4pm in a delightful country village.

My dad was from Liverpool and the eldest son. He has 3 siblings and only one sister. We didn’t have a lot to do with the English family growing up on the other side of the world, and when dad passed away in 2020 (and mum) as executor of the estate I received the condolences from his siblings. I responded in time, and developed a relationship with Hilary.

At the same time our New Zealand branch of the family has been consumed by a bitter and shameful dispute over the Wills, which is still ongoing nearly 5 years and in excess of $100,000 in legal bills with no resolution. The family that I knew, was no longer.

I always had an affinity to my English side through my Grandmother who I met several times. She was a great writer, and I like to think that is where I get my love of the written word from. Anyway, this blog is not about all the family woes, however, suffice to say, over the past 5 years I have had a growing desire to see my English family face to face. Vernon also felt this was important and with the support of his dad, made this trip happen for me.

At first I thought that by connecting with Hilary and my uncle Geoff, that would keep a thread of my dad alive, and I was keen to find out more about the wider English family. Māori have a deep respect for whakapapa – family ancestry and believe that self identity is based on knowing who you are through your whakapapa.

I am probably taking a too simplistic view of identity, however, within this is the concept of connection. To be in my father’s homeland, to be embraced by my wider family has provided me with a deep, loving, connection. I feel I belong again to a family and a missing piece is now in place. The shit from the past 5 years is distant and insignificant to the connection that has been established.

As this is a travel blog, I will leave it there. Suffice to say, we had the best time with Hilary who is an amazing woman. Intelligent, energetic, fiercely independent, direct and caring. So bright and energetic for her advanced years, despite some expected age related issues which I am sure she pays no head to. Resilience and strength of mind is a family trait that also my father had. Warm and ready to have a laugh or a lively debate. Her home is beautiful and we felt instantly welcomed and at ease. We were not allowed to help with much at all, except the next morning when her drawer broke, Vern was able to assist with his handyman magic.

I had heard various stories growing up about the English family, and had a bit of trepidation about meeting them and not being good enough. I am pleased to report that my experience was easy and natural. It was genuinely warm, and we are hoping to come back again as soon as finances allow.